Feedback: on The Science of Focus (Part II)

After my posting, I had a chance to speak w/ Jae Choi Sensei.

He made me to realize that it may not be the 'desire' not to waste my energy (or fear), but it may be the "belief" on percentage of success that could make me to hesitate.

For example, he asked me, "would you be happy if you were to make the perfect attack every time but you are so tired after each attack?" My response was "yes." He then asked, "then, would you still attack even if you were so tired after each attack?" I said yes b/c I think it's still worth it and that drive to have another successful attack will prevail my physical fatigue.

He then asked, "then, would you be happy if you were to have 1 successful attack out of 100 attacks?" I said "probably not" b/c I'll be disappointed for the 99 attacks for my wasted energy.

He then pointed out, "you're willing to accept your fatigue if you know your attack will be successful, but you hesitate to attack b/c you fear that you'll feel fatigue when your chance of success is little. Then, the very factor that binds you from attacking (making you to hesitate) is not the fatigue (or the anticipation for fatigue) itself, but it's your 'belief' that's already in your mind that your chance of success will be little."

In other words, when you face your opponent, you "believe" that your attack will have very little chance of success, thus you already hesitate. If you "know" for sure that your attack will be successful, then you were willing to accept that fatigue each time. But, since you already "believe" that you have very little chance of success, the moment you Kamae, you hesitate.

He finally asked me to ponder upon 'what I know' v. 'what I believe.'

Although I was somewhat confused at the time, after thinking about it for several days, I thought there was some good truth to it. I helped me to look deeper w/in the cause of my hesitation (not the fatigue itself but my belief that I will have very little chance of successful attack) and led me to one of the fundamental truth: "What you believe to be is who you are."

P.s. I don't know if I quoted correctly, but I've heard many wisdoms along that line. "If you believe in it, then you will be able to do it." So many times, we brainwash ourselves that, even before we try something, we're no good at it. That's why, many people/things in this world, try so hard to suppress our own belief about ourselves so that they can prevail over us. (Ex. bullies at fight, big sized animal v. small sized animal, etc.)